The guide to making Itachi's life a bit harder
by Helike
Summary: AU. Longer collection of oneshots. The idea of the whole series is strictly related to Itachi having some problems with his family and friends who are doing their best at making Itachi's life a bit more er... interesting.


**Author's note:**

Little children might be really inspiring sometimes. And so might be little siblings or co-workers. The story itself was inspired by questions that one of my co-workers happened to ask me.

**Warnings: **AU. The massacre happened, however, not the whole clan was killed. Nevertheless, the clan changed a lot (you'll understand what I mean when you read Shisui's part). The person behind the massacre is unknown (and it wasn't Itachi in this story). It's AU, so the characters might go OOC a bit. I did try to make Itachi somewhat Itachi-like (I'm not sure if I managed). And I think that Sasuke might remind a bit Sasuke from before the massacre. I'm not sure.

This story is a part of longer collection of one-shots (my first "multi-chaptered" Naruto story :P). They might be not written in the chronological order, however, it shouldn't be a big problem in this particular case. In each story there might be hints to some other ones, but I think you'll be able to enjoy every single of the even without know ing the rest. The idea of the whole series is strictly related to poor Itachi having some problems with his family and friends who are doing his best at making Itachi's life more er... interesting.

**Summary:** One day Sasuke was in a bad mood, because he didn't like getting up early, so he decided to tease his older brother a bit :P One-shot.

**I do not own Naruto. Naruto (c) M. Kishimoto**

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**Part 1: Girls**

It was early in the morning when the Uchiha brothers left their house and slowly headed into direction of the compound boundary and further, to the heart of Konoha village, greeting people who they were meeting on their way. The older of the boys seemed to be lost in his thoughts and didn't really pay any attention to what was happening around him. The younger one seemed to be rather unhappy as he would definitely prefer to spend some more time in his bed, sleeping. The fact itself could be clearly noticeable, as every few minutes he raised his hand in order to conceal his yawns. He couldn't help but wonder how it was possible that his older brother, although he wasn't a morning person as well, looked as if he didn't really care if he had woken up in the middle of the night (read: 6 am) or not. After a short while Sasuke decided to find something that would take his mind off thinking about how sleepy he felt. It was then that he came up with the idea of quite a devious plan.

'You like her, don't you, nii-san?' the younger Uchiha asked out of sudden.

'I like **who**?' Itachi blinked and looked at his little brother greatly surprised when the question had abruptly disturbed his train of thoughts.

Sasuke felt sudden and somewhat unexplained urge to sweatdrop.

'**Her**. Your ex-teammate,' he said finally, glancing at his brother. 'Shizuka-san'.

Itachi looked at him with a blank expression on his face.

'Of course I like her,' he said slowly. 'We've worked together for years.'

'That's not what I meant.' Sasuke rolled his eyes. 'I asked if you really **liked** her, nii-san.'

'And I answered your question, didn't I?' Itachi raised his brow looking at the younger Uchiha.

The boy just gave him a thoughtful look, noticing with amusement that Itachi, intentionally or not, was avoiding a direct answer to the question.

'Besides, everyone likes her,' the older Uchiha shrugged.

This time Sasuke just gave him a puzzled look wondering how his brother could be so oblivious to some matters.

'Yeah, sure...' the boy snorted. 'Especially now, after she's beaten Inabi to a pulp.'

'Well, wasn't it Inabi's fault after all?' asked Itachi absentmindedly, getting lost in his thoughts again. 'He was the one that challenged her.'

'I guess so...' the enigmatic reply came.

For many such words would be a sign of attempts in hiding some truth, yet Itachi, thinking about something else at the moment, didn't really pay attention to Sasuke's words. The boy could only hope that his brother would not decide to investigate the matter a bit further in the future.

Sasuke shivered reminding how furious Itachi had been after finding out about the fight and how long it had taken Shisui to explain enraged Itachi that the fight had been just an experiment and neither Shizuka nor Inabi should have been blamed for it. The young Uchiha felt rather relieved that his older brother still didn't know that in fact said challenge had been a part of a bet between Shisui and Inabi; the bet that had been to prove if it would be possible to beat any Sharingan user easily. Obviously the bet had been won by Shisui, and Sasuke still thought that the whole thing had been a bit unfair at least, because Shisui_ could have warned_ Inabi that Shizuka had been training with Itachi for last few years. Said training itself was also the reason why Shisui had never told the girl the truth about the challenge.

'But at least they could update their list...' a sudden thought came to his mind.

'What list?'

Sasuke blinked. He didn't even know that he had voiced his thoughts until he heard the question. He winced. Apparently feeling half asleep wasn't really helping with thinking and trying to keep some things in secret.

'Oh... It's nothing special,' the boy shrugged. 'Shisui said they had created a list of people that the police force should never piss off. As far as I know, they've put there mom and Iruka-sensei and now they've added Shizuka-san.'

Itachi looked at him feeling rather amused. The clan must have changed a lot since _that day_ if the people who had claimed they would never fear anything and anybody, were now working on a list of people whom well... they feared in some way.

'They didn't...' his lips curved a bit in a slightly noticeable substitute of a real smile.

'Well, they did,' Sasuke smirked.

A real smile appeared on his lips when another thought came to his mind and he gave Itachi a rather mischievous look, deciding to take the opportunity to tease his older brother a bit more.

'You also are on that list, by the way,' Sasuke said, trying to sound as casual as possible.

He was watching Itachi, trying to see what the latter's reaction to the revelation he had just been told would be. Yet, to his deep disappointment his older brother only raised his brows in a silent act of something that could be called surprise due to lack of the better word to describe his reaction.

'Am I?' was the older Uchiha's only reply. He didn't even look at his brother and didn't seem to be interested in the matter at all.

'You are,' Sasuke tried to keep serious face, although deep inside he was grinning actually, knowing that his brother would **have to** react in some way when he found out everything. 'They added you after the little argument you had with a few members of Konoha police force.'

Itachi stumbled, but he kept going.

With some satisfaction Sasuke observed how the older Uchiha winced hearing his words, however, he didn't have any intention to stop teasing his brother yet.

'I've heard you finished in 4th place or something,' the younger boy said and with silent amusement he watched his older brother who looked as if he had been suffering from a sudden attack of toothache.

It took Itachi a longer while to actually accept that he had got into that list – the fact itself not being something that he was sure he should be proud of. And it took him even longer to reconcile himself with the other fact – although he was on the list, he had already lost to a few other people, which wasn't something that the young heir of the clan was accustomed to.

'It's really interesting...' the older boy finally said, trying to sound as calm as he usually did, but Sasuke knew his brother good enough to know that he wasn't pleased with the news at all.

'0 – 1,' Sasuke thought with satisfaction and started to think about some other things he could tease his brother about.

The Uchihas kept walking, finally passing the boundary of the compound. And then Sasuke started the second part of his great 'let-us-tease-Itachi' plan.

'Hey, nii-san...' he put quite a lot of effort into making his voice sound... innocent.

'Yes, Sasuke?' came the reply form Itachi, who still was lost in his own thoughts.

'Do you actually have **any** interest in some girl?' asked Sasuke with a sweet voice and stopped to watch his brother reaction.

At first it seemed that Itachi hadn't heard his brother's question, but Sasuke knew it was just matter of time until the words finally took their effect. With a smirk on his face he simply started to count and when he was voicelessly saying 'three', the things finally started to happen.

Itachi stumbled. Then he stopped and turn back to look at his brother. His eyes were wide opened and he was losing his usual composure. His mouth was moving, but no word came from them – for the first time in a long time the young heir of the Uchiha clan was completely speechless.

Sasuke wanted to laugh when he saw Itachi's reaction. He tilted his head and took a closer look. Was it his imagination or his brother's cheeks were tinting **pink**? It did take some effort to hide a smirk so that Itachi wouldn't think that he was laughing at him.

'What was that question?' Itachi snapped, finally regaining his ability to speak.

'Ah... Nothing,' Sasuke shrugged. 'I was just thinking. You know... seeing your usual interest in girls one could think you might have... some other preferences.'

Itachi scowled at his brother, annoyed a bit with the suggestion hidden by Sasuke's words and wondering where his brother found out that there actually might be some other preferences.

'You should find yourself a nice girlfriend,' Sasuke pointed out with a serious expression on his face. Teasing or not, he did believe in what he had just said.

'And why should I do it?' the older Uchiha asked in a silent and suspiciously calm voice.

Sasuke gave him a bit confused look before he finally answered.

'Oh, there are quite a few reasons,' he started slowly, wondering how it was possible that Itachi didn't know such simple things. 'First, mother would stop asking you about every girl she has seen talking to you. Second, you're old enough to be interested in such things. And third, you should think about the clan future, you know.'

Both boys winced at the last words.

'Besides,' Sasuke added after a while, 'there are a few more benefits, you know.'

'The benefits being?' Itachi's only raised his brow.

Sasuke felt sudden urge to facepalm. Was his brother really like that or he was doing it on purpose?

'Like watching the stars together,' he said. 'And hanging out. And talking. And...'

'Overrated,' Itachi murmured when his brother started to list all the good points of dating a girl, but the longer he was listening to his brother, the more interested in the subject he felt. Not that he had never felt interested in the subject, obviously. He just didn't think about it usually. Yet now, despite himself he started to picture all the things mentioned by his brother, adding a few more on his own. Doing things together... like walking outside. Sitting in a meadow on a sunny day and watching clouds moving lazily through the sky. Watching stars. Watching the moon. Taking a girl to his favourite dango shop. Holding hands. Gentle, slender fingers stroking his hair. Making out...

Wait... _Making out?_

Itachi moved unconsciously when he realized in what direction his thoughts had gone.

'Overrated,' he said finally, but even in his own ears the words did not sound convincing. He simply turned back and started to walk again, hoping that Sasuke would not notice his sudden embarrassment.

'Sure, overrated,' Sasuke said.

Itachi could bet that the boy was smirking behind his back.

If the older Uchiha had hoped that Sasuke would finally abandon his idea of asking difficult and _annoying_ questions, he couldn't have been wrong more.

Only several seconds later the other question came.

'So you really aren't interested in any girl, nii-san?' his little brother inquired.

'Hn...' was the only answer.

'And it's not true what Shisui says?' the boy definitely didn't intend to give up so easily.

Itachi scowled at him, having some bad feelings about what he might hear.

'What does Shisui say?' he asked suspiciously, thinking that Shisui had been saying definitely too many things recently.

'That you **must** have some interest in one girl at least,' Sasuke said bluntly. 'Otherwise you wouldn't have drooled over Shizuka-san so much when you saw her wearing that dress.'

Itachi only winced and made a mental note to add one more thing to his 'why-Shisui-must-die-a-painful-death' list. He also added a few more points to his other list, strictly related to said painful kinds of death. 'Drowning,' he thought. 'Drowning is a really good idea'.

'I wasn't drooling over her,' he said finally. 'I was just... looking at her.'

'If you say so,' Sasuke shrugged.

Apparently his little brother didn't seem to be convinced and it made Itachi feel a bit... hurt. After all Itachi did know what he had been doing back then and it definitely hadn't been 'drooling over' anybody. He had been just looking intently at his former teammate (he definitely hadn't been staring at her as some people could interpret his behaviour) and tried to assess (or secretly admire as some could say) how a simple red dress had changed his old friend's look. Besides, as he tried to convince himself, he hadn't been doing anything different from what half of the male part of Konoha shinobis had done after seeing the tomboyish kunoichi wearing something else than her usual baggy and rather grayish clothes. Yes, he had been only looking at the girl and it definitely had been only 'looking'.

'So you wouldn't mind if Shisui asked her out?' Sasuke smirked.

Itachi blinked and unexpectedly for himself he felt rather annoyed with the idea of Shisui, his troublesome cousin Shisui, asking out or even _dating_ a girl who he considered as one of his best friends.

'Shouldn't he find a girl that would be in age more suitable for him?' he snapped; the words just slipped from his mouth before he could even think.

Sasuke gave him a strange look.

'Nii-san...' he sweatdroped. 'Just for your information – she **is** in appropriate age for him. Shisui is only one year older than her.'

Itachi blinked and Sasuke couldn't help smiling when he saw a confused look on his brother face. But then his attention was drawn by some other person who had just appeared in the street, but hadn't noticed the brothers yet. He smiled and rushed in the newcomer's direction, leaving his stunned brother behind.

'Morning, Shizuka nee-san!' he exclaimed.

'Good morning, Sasuke-kun,' Shizuka replied, giving him a rather tired and somewhat surprised look, because the boy had never called her in such a way before.

'Well... It's a rare view to see you here so early in the morning,' she said looking at the Uchiha curiously. 'What brought you here?'

Sasuke smirked.

'Mom told Itachi to ask you about something,' the boy replied.

Shizuka glanced at the other Uchiha, who had finally caught up with his brother, and nodded. Itachi nodded back.

'Did she?' she asked.

'Yeah...' the boy decided to take an opportunity tease one more person this morning. 'Mom told Itachi to pluck up the courage and...'

'Sasuke...' Itachi interrupted him; a warning was clearly hearable in his voice.

'Ok, ok... she didn't. I guess it will be better to leave the explanations to Itachi,' the boy ended quickly, scowling at his brother.

Itachi cleared his throat.

'Mom asked us,' he gave Sasuke a warning look, 'to invite you to the autumn festival which is taking place in the compound next week. She thought it would be great if there could be some people from outside the clan and you were the first person who came to her mind. She also suggested I should invite my current team and said you could bring anybody you'd like. The more people, the better. And I'm sorry for letting you know about it so late...'

The girl just looked at them, making both brothers feel somewhat uneasy.

'The invitation accepted,' she said finally and a faint smile appeared at her tired face.

'That's great!' the younger Uchiha exclaimed and hugged the girl to great surprise of both, his brother and Shizuka herself.

'And now excuse me, but I just reminded about something very important,' the boy smiled and ran hurriedly toward the Konoha centre before anybody could stop him.

After running 100 meters he turned into Itachi and Shizuka's direction.

'By the way, nii-san!' he exclaimed. 'Shisui didn't say anything! I made everything up!'

Having said these words, he disappeared, leaving his older brother in a state of temporary daze.

'You're so dead, Sasuke, when I get you,' Itachi murmured after a while, forgetting that he wasn't alone in the street.

He raised his head only to see a puzzled look on Shizuka's face.

'What was all that about?' she asked.

'It was nothing,' Itachi mumbled, trying to ignore the fact that what Sasuke had just said brought back all these pictures he had imagined during his talk with Sasuke... and added a few more, quite disturbing ones, he had to admit. Like bathing... Suddenly he felt how his cheeks were getting warmer.

'And because of this **nothing** your cheeks are turning red?' Shizuka only raised her brow, watching him closely.

'Never mind,' he scowled at her and she chuckled seeing his reaction.

'I forgot you always are in a bad mood in the morning,' the girl smirked pointing out to his aversion to getting up early. Itachi pretended he hadn't heard her statement.

'Shizuka-san,' suddenly he reminded about something that his mother also had said. 'You'll have to wear a kimono to that festival.'

The girl looked at him with an unreadable expression on her face.

'A kimono, you say...' she whispered. 'I think I should have one.'

Then she turned away and started walking.

'Let's go, Itachi-san,' she looked at him over her shoulder. 'We'll never get to the Hokage Tower if you are standing here for ages. After all it's where you were heading to, weren't you?'

'You're right,' Itachi sighed and caught up with the girl.

He quickly realized that his thoughts were going into some strange direction again. Watching Shizuka with a corner of his eyes, he couldn't help but wonder what his ex-teammate would look like wearing a kimono. 

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End of the part 1. Hope you enjoyed it :)


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